A bit about me
Some of us take a little longer to become who we really are.
Well, hello there. I am pleased and surprised that you found your way to this page. I don’t know why I decided to make this page a secret instead of a normal blog post, but it was fun to imagine someone actually stumbling across it.
My name is Lara, and I’m a transgender woman; this is something I discovered about myself in 2023, after a long period of self-improvement, reflection, and figuring out my own views on gender, sexuality, and how I want to move through the world.
It certainly isn’t the endpoint I thought the last few years of working on myself would lead to, but it felt right once I came to accept it. After that moment, my life would become more peaceful, satisfying, and saturated with color, as if I was putting glasses on for the first time. It would get harder in many ways too.
Life before transition
A common and often-told coming out story is that of the person who always knew something was off. From a young age, they played with different toys, put on their mother’s high-heeled shoes when no one was looking, or painted their nails alone in their room. I understand why those stories resonate and bring validity to the transgender experience, but it is not my story. I could point back to a stray moment from my past to latch onto, but it’d be a stretch at best. For my first 28 years on this Earth, I simply lived in pain, confusion, and denial. The cycle was consistent - taking years to muster up the courage to date, and spending entire relationships filled with crippling anxiety around sex and intimacy. Wondering if I was gay, asexual, or something that didn’t have a name. Something had to explain why it was so hard to show love to others.
Years of depression, struggles in school and work, doomed relationships, and drug and alcohol addiction cast a shadow over my life. While some folks come out to help turn their life around, for me, I had to turn my life around to allow myself to explore this aspect of my life and eventually come out.
If you’ve spent enough time messing around on my website to find yourself here, you’ve probably already played my video game too. You might have guessed that the story is based on my own life, specifically this coming out journey I am sharing with you now.
I owe a lot to the three folks in particular that helped me find myself. They make up the three main NPCs in the game, and though I respect their privacy too much to name them here, I like to think that by typing this post, I’m sending some good vibes into the ether for them.
Thanks for reading this, whoever you are. I hope your day is filled with warmth and light.
Me these days